Taste Life Blog

The vase of tulips last week brought us the hope of spring into summer. All was “perfect” until the tulips started to droop over the vase in random fashion. The tulips went from perfect to un-perfect. As I was taking a picture of the vase, Brett said, “Get rid of that one droopy one.” The flower wasn’t dead it just had a mind of it’s own. I stopped and realized the tulips represented my “old” and “new” life. And I actually liked the random tulip arrangement better; my new life.

We live in a world of get it done yesterdays, filled with giant to-do-lists and worse yet, other people’s expectations. And to top it off, we need to do it all just perfect. Perfectionism can inspire us to be our best or create a sense of poor self-esteem that we never measure up or are good enough.  I sometimes think it should be illegal.

Are you a Perfectionist?

If you answer “yes” to three or more of these questions, perfectionism may be negatively affecting your life.

1. Do you spend too much time trying to get things “just right?”
2. Does taking time off to rest, relax, or have fun make you feel guilty that you can’t enjoy yourself?
3. Do you have trouble making decisions, laboring over details until you reach the point of exhaustion?
4. What would our friends or others choose to call you a control freak?
5. Do you have a hard time accepting help or delegating because you’re convinced that no one can do something as well as you can?
6. Do you often feel afraid that you’ll never live up to the standards you imagine others set for you?
7. Do you often procrastinate on completing tasks because of the pressure you feel to do them perfectly?

My own (some would say odd and peculiar) perfectionist behaviors:

In 1978 I began my first Registered Dietitian job at the VA Medical Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. We could only write chart notes with a black pen. I only worked there three years before I married Gary, yet years later I almost felt “anxious” when I could not locate a black pen to write with. Thirty five years later my preference is a black pen but I have made big progress writing up my expense reports or bank deposit slips using blue. It almost feels sassy and fun now.

For some reason, when I owned my first house in Eau Claire, Wisconsin I thought the trash baskets in the bathrooms (four of them) had to be free of trash (I never confessed this to anyone).  And one time I remember my parents visiting from Milwaukee and my mom asking, “Chere why do you empty these waste baskets when we leave? If feels like we can’t use them.” Moms are always right and I never fessed up.

Eight years ago when I turned fifty I created my Living Eulogy; and one action was dumping perfection.    Although I still need my towels in my linen closet folded a certain way and all the folds have to “match,” thirty years later Gary can’t get it right. It doesn’t bug me I just re-do it of course. Dumping perfection simplified my life and gave me more energy to do the things that truly mattered.

Do you confuse excellence with perfectionism?
In 2003 I heard Dr. Thomas S. Greenspon, PhD speak. He is the author of Freeing our Families from Perfectionism. He noted the difference between excellence and perfection. Strive for excellence not perfection. Excellence is a journey. Perfectionism is a destination; a destination with stress and exhaustion.  Excellence feels encouraging while perfectionism feels like criticism. Excellence is confidence, while perfectionism is doubt.

This quote by Michael J. Fox inspired me to dump perfection.

 “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can strive for; perfection is God’s business.” 

Perfectionism causes you to put your life on hold waiting while you wait for the perfect time, wait for the perfect spouse, or the perfect project. You are excellent. Your job is to give yourself credit for excellence. Right now, today, you can be an excellent spouse, parent, and friend. You can do excellent projects. If you invest your energy in excellence, perfectionism doesn’t matter.

Perfectionists are successful despite their performance not because of it. As a coach I have seen that perfectionism doesn’t create successful people; instead it creates frustrated, “never done” people. Successful perfect people aren’t always happy but happy people are successful who strive for excellence.  If you are so busy being perfect you will miss the beauty in the moment. I have discovered an un-perfect life is simply perfect. I hope that sounds perfect to you!

Read more how a client dumped his perfection.