Taste Life Blog

An Essay by Mark 

Perfect.  That is an exciting word.  It sounds wonderful.  Like a cool breeze on a hot day.  I can visualize myself sipping a cool drink, soaking in the sun, watching beautiful women go by……..okay, back to reality.

Why do I do that?  Why do I snap myself back to reality instead of realizing that my “present time” is perfect for me?  Why can’t I enjoy the little things that go so right in each day?  Why can’t I live my life in the present?

The reason is simple:  My “present time” is a disappointment to me because I believe that it is not perfect.  Examples of my thought process are:  Geez, I overslept; I shouldn’t have eaten that; I shouldn’t buy that; I have diabetes but if I ignore it, it will go away; I don’t have a wife and family yet; I feel that my siblings believe I failed to keep the family farm profitable; I didn’t do this, I didn’t do that; I should do this, I need to do that;  I will be happy when…………. It never comes, because I am always striving to be perfect.

There have been countless times when I have set plans for my perfect life.  I will exercise regularly, eat good food, and visualize my perfect future where I am physically beautiful, and financially secure.  I have no worries.  Life is wonderful in my perfect future.  The problem is, I put so much emphasis on achieving this wonderful life for the future, that one little setback allows me to chuck it all away, and go back to my safe little world of candy and soda pop.

Food, especially junk food, has given me great comfort.  It seems to massage my inner self, reassuring me that my happiness is based on more chocolate, more pop, more television, less interaction with people who would “falsely” judge me.  These people would have the nerve to tell me that I am not perfect; not in words, but in their body language.  In my warped sense of comfort, I retreat to more lousy food.

After a time, I strive to be perfect again, to be that perfect vision of myself which only exists in a dream world.  Perfection kills dreams.  Ain’t that a switch!  I dream of being perfect, and that “dream” becomes a never-ending nightmare of coming up short.

There is much to be desired in being “perfect”.  Perfection equals every happiness I could desire.   Desire.  Perfection.  These are false gods, but it seems like everyone can obtain them, except me.  Everyone else seems perfect.  They don’t have daily struggles, they can’t possibly have the problems that I do.

So if perfection does not exist (and is unrealistic anyway), what do I do to shift my vision from one of perfection?

Make small changes.  Celebrate the positive effects of these small changes.  Small changes can be as little as realizing that perfection kills.  Perfection equals pressure.  Pressure causes stress.  Stress leads to failure.  Release the pressure!  Just be.  I am in imperfect person in an imperfect world, but ya know what?  I can celebrate that!

I can also make leaps.  Television is a great babysitter for me.  I watch all the best shows……..well, most people would say that my taste in tv shows is whacked, but they are the “best in my mind”.  Also, they are a tremendous way to waste productive time.  So, I am making a leap concerning television.  I am cancelling my subscription.  This will initially cause me a sort of hang-over, as I will miss my friend, the tv.  Over a period of time, my work day will be more efficient, and my free time will be more self-satisfying.  Going cold turkey is kind of like striving for perfection.  However, I know that I can still watch tv when I am overnight on the road for work.  If I really want to see television, I can still watch local channels with my regular antenna.  So it is not perfection.  It is a leap in time – my time.

Pursuit of perfection kills dreams.  I no longer strive to be perfect.  I now live in the present, because no matter what my present time is, I must truly be happy here.  If not, I make changes to better reflect what I want.  I am making shifts and leaps in my priorities.  And the present is perfect.  M