Taste Life Blog

Mary my client stated, “It’s summer and I’m extremely tired of working on this big project and I feel so guilty. My kids wanted my attention and I didn’t give it to them.”  What do you want I asked; she replied, “I just want to work a normal work day, come home and play with my kids and be able to relax.”  Do you agree to things you really don’t want to do? Do people control your schedule and time? Do you feel guilty if you put yourself first?  You can teach people how to treat you by creating balance with boundaries and standards.

Boundaries are what people can and can’t do to you. Boundaries are when you say “no” in life. “No you can’t be rude to me.”  They are like an invisible energy field that protects your body, mind and spirit. You may let your friend or spouse give you negative feedback but will not let a stranger give you the same advice.  Standards are what you say “yes” to.  “Yes I am honest.” “Yes I leave work at 5 pm.” “Yes I take the time to practice self- care every day.”

Boundaries and standards are necessary for a strong personal foundation. Mary’s new standards are: to leave work at 5:30 pm, to maybe log in after 9 pm when the kids are in bed, to have people state their expectations, to be measured against expectations not non-verbal body language and to get a day off when she asks for it. Mary’s new boundaries are: work 8:00 am  – 5:30 pm, when she asks her boss, “What are the expectations?” she does not want the answer to be “You will find out” – she wants to know now not later and she asks for vacation days far in advance.

You have got to say no before you can say yes. Maybe you are a “yes person” and have said yes to everything and everyone and hoped for the best. Sounds enticing but this approach is filled with resentment as you are pleasing everyone but yourself.  Doing this you will never be able to access your gifts and strengths and live your own personal best.  Every time you extend a boundary, you will naturally and almost automatically be able to raise a standard.

Boundaries and standards are the key to loving your life. When you have strong boundaries you feel more confident in your decisions and at peace with yourself. You will find people will respect and honor your boundaries. Now is the time to put standards in place so you can enjoy your busier fall.

Remember you teach people how to treat you! After all you only have one life to live, just imagine if it was one you absolutely loved.