Taste Life Blog

I backed out of my garage without lifting the garage door! (Yes, $1,000 later!) I make mistakes every single week. Big. Mistakes. I hate my mistakes. ER visit! Computer hack! Wild day! For weeks, spam emails have been pouring into my computer. I made a giant mistake when I answered the phone and let someone from “Microsoft Outlook” run a program on my computer. The day was horrible as I was running to check on Gary who was trying to pass another kidney stone on the couch and back to my office. Within two hours of this life changing call we were in the ER. I was vulnerable. When the guy called I was ecstatic that someone was reaching out to help me. As a Law of Attraction Coach I thought, yes this is attraction. Luckily I got his phone number and we figured out his scam. Since then I have changed all passwords, stopped my banking, and cancelled all my credit cards. I used my new business card one time and it was used 4 days later in London. I highly recommend Life Lock. They found my name 5 days later on a black market chat room. For $109 it is piece of mind.

We really don’t have lessons on how to deal with failure. Life is supposed to be perfect. I failed. I failed again.

I used to be so hard on myself until I discovered the science of self-compassion which soothes you during challenging times. It is giving yourself the same kind of loving kindness that you would dole on a baby or your pet. Instead of ignoring pain you stop and tell yourself, “This is really difficult right now, how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” Having compassion means honoring your humanness. Life will not always be picture-perfect and you will encounter frustrations, losses (small and big), and fall short of your finish line. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff, the leading scientist on self-compassion tells us there are three parts.

Self Kindness

Treating yourself with kindness, just like you would a friend. Remember criticism of yourself is not an effective motivator and undermines your confidence and creates fear. 

Common Humanity

We think we are the only ones going through hard stuff. Everyone has “stuff” like running late and missing appointments, breaking a tooth, having a car accident, or an unplanned surgery. We cannot change what is happening around us but we can change our response.

Mindfulness

Be aware when you are suffering. In order to respond in a compassionate way you need to realize you are stressed out. Don’t go immediately into solution mode; rather turn towards the painful feelings and sit with them and say, “This is really hard right now.” Then ask yourself, “What do I need to do to feel better right now?”

Here are two exercises that you can use to give yourself some loving self-compassion.

Soothing Touch/ Self-Compassion Break one

Close your eyes. Feel your hands. What are they touching? Put one hand in the other. This is soothing touch. Place one hand on your cheek and notice how that feels. Next cradle your face in both hands.

Gently stroke your arms. Cross your arms and give yourself a gentle squeeze and notice how this feels. Place one hand over your heart and feel your heart. Next place two hands over your heart. Gently rub your chest using circular movements and notice how this feels. Place your hand on your belly and one over your heart and notice how this feels. Cup one hand in the other in your lap and notice how this feels.

Self-Compassion Break two

Think of a situation in your life that is really difficult and causing you a lot of stress. Feel discomfort in your body as you bring this difficult challenge to mind. Notice where in your body thinking about this creates tension. Stop. Notice how this feels. This is a moment of suffering. Become mindful of your suffering. Say to yourself, “This hurts” or “this is really stressful.” “It’s not just me.” “I am not alone we all struggle in our lives.” Put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth of your hands on your chest. Notice how it feels to be there for yourself to give yourself the love and compassion that you need and deserve. Next, Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now?” May I accept myself as I am! May I be strong! May I be safe! May I live in peace. Settle in and write things down how this felt to you.

These exercises were adopted from my colleague Dr. Susan Albers a masterful self-compassion Wellcoach® Please visit her website for more.

When I was really wigging out I soothed myself by stroking my hands on my arms. I also used this 30 second compassion technique using my hands to change my brain state from fear to acceptance.

Invest in your happiness by practicing self-compassion. You have one life to live, just imagine it is the one you truly love! We would love to hear your thoughts on starting self-compassion in your life.