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Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

I “should” invite my neighbors over for dinner because I owe them.

I “should” have gone to a different college, maybe I would be earning more money.

I “should” have changed careers earlier instead of staying with the one I don’t love.

Today is your lucky day! Today we celebrate the Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves”

Today is the day to divorce yourself from should’ve, could’ve and would’ve!

The problem with “shoulds” is that it steals away your time and energy from your wants and true desires.

Next time your to-do list is overwhelming and you are second guessing yourself,  ask yourself, “Am I living in “shoulds” or “wants?”   

Shoulds

  • Shoulds are those things you think you ought to want.
  • Shoulds are based on shame, duty or guilt.
  • They are externally prompted (our ego, spouse, parents, peers, boss, society, etc.) or consequence avoidance.

“I should do this to be a good daughter!”

“If I do this, then “y” will happen.”

“My spouse tells me I need to….”

“I should lose weight!”

The problems with “shoulds” are that they make you feel like you are doing the right thing, yet they typically aren’t motivating enough to inspire change. This creates a state of continual dissatisfaction. The satisfaction in achievements is short lived. You can also start to feel resentful that you are not living your life your way.

Ask yourself:

How much of my life am I living versus how much of someone else’s life am I living?

What is one should I need to let go of?

Who is “shoulding” on me?

Wants

  • Wants are internally prompted and those things that are important and fulfilling to you based on craving or desire.
  • Wants to support your values and who you are.
  • Wants create a quality of life.
  • They are natural.
  • They provide gratification. For example, you don’t need to exercise, but your quality of life plummets when you don’t exercise.

Wants can be motivating. Think…

“It is so me!”

“I will enjoy this!”

“I’m ready to have this!”

Wants are full of life and can be fun!

Ask yourself:

What do I really, really want?


Take out a pen and paper and write down all of your “could haves” and “should haves” and then throw them away.

Then, create this intention. “From this day forward I choose to live my life, not someone else’s “shoulds”.  I choose to live in the present, not the past.  I choose my wants. I choose happiness.”

#TossAwayTheCouldHavesandShouldHavesDay

What “shoulds” have you tossed out of your life?

We can’t wait to hear! Your happiness is waiting! So are your friends and family!

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5 May Makeover Secrets to Create More Positivity & Inner Abundance

Do you dread Monday mornings? Do you feel like you are stuck in a rut? Maybe it is time for a May Makeover. There is nothing like a new season to press the reset button of your life.  One of my favorite books of all time is, “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. The quote that resonates with me is “You attract who you are, not what you do.” So who are you? Who do you want to be?

Here are 5 steps to reset your positivity which truly is the secret to happiness.

  1. Create Quiet Time

Set aside quiet time for yourself to get centered, focused and reflect on what  and who you are grateful for.

  1. Surround yourself with people who are eagerly evolving.

They spark you and you spark them. Evolution occurs naturally.

  1. Take your gifts very seriously.

Design your life to fully develop them and express them.

Go to www.authentichappiness.org and take the VIA Survey (it is free)

  1. Choose a goal that is bigger than you.

Be pulled forward by it instead of pushing yourself.

  1. Create fun every day!

The more you live with ease and grace the more you will effortless attract to your life.  Monday is a great fun day to start your week and set your tone for the week.

What are you doing for your intentional May Makeover? Your spirit is waiting! So, are your family and friends!

@cherebork #dietitianlifecoach

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National I am in Control Day

How lucky are we National I am in Control Day is observed each year on March 30th!

With the President being rushed to surgery on a rainy afternoon, a bullet lodged in his lung, a statement was made. “As of now, I am in control here in the White House.” Those are the words of Secretary of State Alexander Haig on March 30, 1981 after the assassination attempt on President Ronald Reagan. He was taken to task for those words by the media. Haig later explained that he only meant that he was in charge until Vice President George Bush could be sworn in. Bush was en route at the time.

This was the beginning of National I am in Control Day.  

What is the best way to help your “out of control feeling?” Focus on your beliefs!

5 Questions to Ask Yourself About What Your Beliefs Are

Life is full of events. And our beliefs can be negative or positive.

Ask yourself:

  • Does my belief serve a useful purpose?
  • Does my belief make me feel better?
  • Is this my belief or someone else’s belief?
  • What can I do to let go of this belief?
  • Who can help me change my negative perception of this event?

Shakespeare says, “Nothing good, nothing bad it is your thinking that makes it so.”

So choose your beliefs wisely.

What beliefs do you need to dump forever?

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Do You Know What The #1 Obstacle to Living a Happy Life Is?

Mom celebrating her 87th birthday. She always likes to hold hands in the pictures. How sweet is that.

Negative thinking.

If you are like me, you can over think and over think some more. For instance, I over think and dwell on the fact that my 87-year-old mom does not call me but she calls my sister Laurie.

My mom lives with my caring and kind sister, Michele. On the way home from my morning swimming class at Lifetime Fitness, I call my mom. I know it is a good time to reach her as it is not during her favorite TV shows (I think it’s still General Hospital). When the kids were little I called my mom every Monday and Friday from 7:45am to 8:00am. Back in those days the long distance phone rates increased at 8am. One Christmas, I even gave her a little crystal telephone with the note that she was my “telephone angel.” There is something special about a mother’s unconditional love and support. No matter what. No one else cared that Danielle got another Girl Scout badge or that Brett aced his spelling test.

My dietitian sister Laurie mentions that mom calls her.

One day Laurie mentioned mom called Laurie three times because she kept on forgetting things to tell her. Mom never calls me. I felt bad. I wrote Valentine’s cards to both parents and even wrote in their cards, “call me.” I never heard from dad. He is hard of hearing and does not like to wear his hearing aid so phone conversations are very difficult. I was so sad that mom calls Laurie and not me that I cooked up the plan that I would not call mom several times a week and see if she would notice the missing phone calls. I almost wanted to get “back” at my mom. Well, that lasted for two day. I brought up the fact that she calls Laurie and never calls me. I asked mom, “Why don’t you call me?” She said, “because you always call me.”  I felt like screaming, “you mean Laurie is not your favorite daughter?  You mean you like me as much as Laurie?  You mean you care about me as much as Laurie and the other sisters even if I know I push your buttons?”

What a simple answer. Mom does not call me because I call her!

My beliefs and wrong assumptions the last few weeks were robbing my days of joy, inner peace, and even gratitude. Everyone wants their mother’s love. Did she love me any less than Laurie? No. At this grand old age, I still desired to be treasured by my mom no matter what.

We like to make life more complicated than it is. Our beliefs are not a fact, just our belief. The problem is we get stuck on the same old negative beliefs that rob us of our daily joy.  Our thoughts become words and our words become action. So pick your beliefs that create your best life.

Another grand way to dump negative thinking is to become more grateful.

We cannot have a negative and positive belief or thought in our head at the same time. Whatever we focus on gets bigger and bolder. We can focus on what is not working or what is working in our life. We can focus on abundance or lack. So become grateful for everything in your life. Notice the beauty in your life in your relationships and in your environment. Remember why you are grateful for those special people in your life.

Decide today that you are no longer willing to have the consequence of negative and disempowering beliefs. Replace your negative beliefs with positive beliefs and be grateful for what has blessed your life.

Shakespeare reminds us, “Nothing good or nothing bad…it is our thinking that makes us so.”  The bottom line is you are what you think.  Make sure that you understand that your thoughts, words and actions in this very moment are creating your next one. Your life won’t change unless you change your thinking first.

Chere, Laurie, Michele, Michael and Rachele all love celebrating with our mom.

Call your mom! Life is not getting longer. You have one life to live, just imagine it was one you truly loved.

We can’t wait to hear your mom stories or how you have changed your beliefs to live a happier life.

Love Chere

 

 

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How to Forgive, but Maybe Not Forget

How to Forgive, but Maybe Not Forget

I have held a grudge for 43 years. My life has been sweet but this grudge was always in the back of my mind. My spirit needed a boost. I needed to forgive. Each year it got harder and harder.

1973 Nathan Hale High School, West Allis, Wisconsin. Check out my saddle shoes that I adored and the pleated skirt. Thought I was so cool!

It all began in high school! We were the fearsome four – Debbie J, Cyndie, and Peggy. Inseparable! We spent a lot of time in Peggy’s bedroom scheming how to get boys to notice us and like us. I was a wallflower and did not go to one dance or one prom. I just wanted to be noticed. I went away to UW Stout in Menomonie, Wisconsin for college. I wanted to go to Berkley but it was too liberal for my dad and I could barely afford Stout, let alone Berkley.

I came home for Christmas break and was invited to Peggy’s brother’s house for a New Year’s Eve party. (Ironically, his apartment was on the same road that I got stopped for speeding years later). I was at the party for probably 10 minutes when drunken Peggy pushed me down the basement stairs. She did not even remember. I tore my cartilage and needed arthroscopy. It was decided I would wait until May when my semester ended to have surgery, which meant I needed to walk around campus all semester on crutches. The most challenging was climbing the stairs to the dining hall. My cartilage would get stuck and my knee would lock. It hurt. In winter, it was really challenging holding my school bag (that was before backpacks) and climbing over snow banks to get to class on time.

I thought my life sucked and thought this was supposed to be one of the best times of my life. No. Way. I had surgery in May by the Milwaukee Brewers physician. In the 70’s they removed your cartilage, which has created my need for a total knee. (The good news of the surgery was my mom used to literally put me on a blanket in the backyard to eat lunch. I met the garbage man and dated him for a while…but that is another story).

Negative thoughts of Peggy have been with me all these years when my knee held me back. When I ran my first and only 5 K race. When I was hiking the Napoli Coast in Kauai, Hawaii with my family. When I am in pilates. The list goes on and on. After all, it has been 43 years of my life.

So, I decided I have about twenty good years left to live. I am doing a life reset before my next big birthday! Part of the reset was claiming my spirit back. Being the old Chere. She has been missing for 43 years. I want my head full of abundance and without negativity. Time. To. Forgive. But how?

For years I have done the Forgiveness Room with clients. I could do that but knew I needed more. I was really upset I wanted to talk to Peggy about it but she passed away last summer.

I knew I needed a quiet, calming place to sit and reflect. If it was summer I would go to a favorite park or beach. I went to the adoration chapel at St. Hubert parish. I sat there as other women were praying and reading their books. My life coach, science-brain kicked in and I told myself to do decisional balance by making a pro and con list of forgiving Peggy. It was very apparent my spirit was being crushed which was taking energy away from my life. I thought WHY do I want to forgive Peggy? I want to live my life bigger and bolder NOW. At that moment I realized I was living in my past. The past is over. My dreams were waiting. My dreams are too important to waste being upset with one person and not forgiving her. 

I needed to be done with it once and for all. I can choose. Do I choose positive feelings or do I choose negative feelings? We cannot hold both at the same time in our heart. When I realized that my past was blocking my future, it was easy to forgive.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. – Paul Boese

Forgiveness brings our spirit peace and calm. It does not mean our hurt is minimized as we can still be hurt. It does not mean we have to forget the incident. Forgiveness is not something we do for the other person. Forgiveness is a matter of accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to have resolution with it. It is not something you do for the other person, it is something you do for you. You have to be willing to forgive. You can’t forgive someone until you release your anger towards that person. Sometimes you will need a great therapist to help you with this.


My Forgiveness Actions

In the adoration chapel, I read the following prayer several times from Emmet Fox in his book “Power Through Constructive Thought.”  

“I fully and freely forgive (mention the name of who you are forgiving). I let him/her go. I completely forgive the whole business in question. As far as I am concerned, it is finished forever. I cast the burden of resentment on the God within me. (Name of person) is free now and I am too. I wish him/ her well in every phase of life. That incidence is finished and God has set us both free.”  

When this event crosses your mind (and it will) simply say, “I release this event.” And then move your thoughts to something beautiful!  

Then I entered the Forgiveness Room

The Forgiveness Room
So glad you could come to this special room.
Get comfortable.
Relax. Just be here.
Imagine that you are in your home or outside in a meadow.
Call this area the forgiveness room.
Whatever happens there is just perfect for you.

Invite someone into your forgiveness room.
See their face.  Hear their voice. Feel their presence.
There is no right or wrong way.
However it happens is just perfect. Just be with this special person.

Next, talk to this special person about what you wish to forgive them for.
Say all you need to say. Tell them what is in your heart. Speak with gentleness, kindness, and care.
But, speak your truth. You will know when you are done speaking to this person.
Inhale in some energy.

Come back to present day life and reality.

Know that you can go to your forgiveness room any time you wish.

Take another breath and feel new energy and life into your being – because you have been to the forgiveness room.
And, always remember you can visit this room any time you wish.

Source: Unknown

So how do you start to forgive?

First, decide you are done living in the past.
Second, decide you are going to actively engage in healing and forgiving so your life can move on again. But only when you are ready. (This took me 43 years)

What do you need to do today to clear up negative feelings with someone who has hurt you?

We don’t get to the end of our lives and say, “I wished I had worked more or I wished I would have stayed angry longer.”

Life is too short for regrets. You will never regret that you have forgiven. 

You have one life to live, just imagine it was one you loved, but only if you forgive and move on with your life. Remember Mahatma Gandhi says, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Be. Strong! Your life is waiting!

If you forgive someone please drop me a note so I can celebrate with you.

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5 Steps to Discover Your Purpose and Inspire More Joy

Faces of Joy

The meaning of life is try to solve as much of the puzzle as possible before you die.

  1. Decide you want more. (More health, love, job satisfaction, time…) Your power is in your decision.
  2. Wake Up Question: What do I want? Think it. Ink it.   Get crystal clear on what you want
  3. Bedtime Question: What was my happiest joy of my day?  Think it.  Ink it.
  4. Create your plan, based on what you want and what makes you most happy.
  5. Every day do one daily habit to support your decision.


Life is a gift. Let me help you open it. I invite you to my annual FREE tele-class creating 2017 to be the best year of your life.

Join me Chere Bork, Energy Igniter and Certified Executive Wellcoach® for this FREE, tele-class and discover the keys to setting and achieving the goals you really want in 2017.

In this FREE tele-class you will:

  • Identify the goals you really want (and are most likely to achieve!)
  • Create your own personalized 3 Step Success Strategy
  • Get into action and create huge momentum to keep on going
  • Learn 4 easy ways to overcome any obstacle that arises

Isn’t it time to go for the things you really want in your life? The time is NOW!!

11th Annual FREE Teleclass:  Make 2017 Your Best Year Yet!

One Evening Session Tuesday, January 24, 2017  7 pm CST – 8 pm CST

Details & Registration here

Remember Mark Twain said,

The two most important days are the day you are born and the day you figured out why.

 

Can’t wait to support your year of your dreams!
Love Chere

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