Taste Life Blog

Ever wish you could replay a day in your life? I’ve had many!  The last day(s) I wanted to replay had to do with my new website pictures.

I have been wanting to re-do my pictures for my website for at least five years. I finally had purchased enough red outfits (when I don’t wear red people ask why) and decided after the last three years of “trying to look more youthful” with longer hair I was going to forever keep my short hair. Decided short hair forevermore!

The outfits were all pressed and all the jewelry was picked out. I even scheduled a hair style an hour before the appointment.  What went wrong? I wore only one earring! Dang!  So a week later I sat for another photo session with Cory Amundson the Portrait Studio Manager at the JC Penny’s Portrait Studio at Eden Prairie Mall (he is fantastic!).  You would think round two would go smoothly. Not exactly! I decided I could do my own hair although at last minute I kind of panicked, but it turned out fine. Not great but good enough! What went wrong this time? I forgot the red slacks to the red suit I wanted to wear for the speaker page. Can you believe it? I seriously worry I have a dreadful disease for the countless little things I forget. In the past I would have been raging mad at myself. But, not anymore because this year I’ve discovered self-compassion.

The problem: we all want to feel extra special, be the best and be above average. The bigger problem is it is impossible for everyone to be above average at the SAME time. How do we cope? We don’t. We compare, self-judge and constantly measure our life compared to others. We label our days as good or bad. We get frustrated with ourselves. We all make mistakes. But, we live in a world where we all are supposed to continually reach our lofty goals, tell everyone about reaching them and reach some more.  And, when that doesn’t happen we feel like failures.  Time for self-compassion!  Kristin Neff, PhD describes self-compassion in her book Self-Compassion Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind  as “Our ability to be kind to ourselves when life goes awry or we notice something about ourselves we don’t like, rather than being cold or harshly self-critical.”’

Self -compassion is a better motivator than self-criticism as the driving force is love for ourselves instead of fear. Love makes us feel confident and secure while fear (“I am not good enough”) makes us feel insecure.

Three Components to Self-Compassion

Self-Kindness: You are gentle and understanding of yourself rather than judgmental and harsh. You need to be able to comfort yourself just like you would comfort a friend.

Connection: You recognize that you are connected with others as you experience life instead of feeling isolated by your own suffering.

Mindfulness: You become aware of your frustrations or pains rather than ignoring or exaggerating them. Being in the moment gives you the freedom to choose to be kind to yourself for your perceived failure or not.

•  First step is to take the self-compassion test.
• Second step is to practice Dr. Kristin Neff’s Mantra when thing don’t go exactly as you planned.

• • This is a moment of suffering
  • Suffering is a natural part of life
  • May I be kind to myself in this moment
  • May I give myself the compassion I need

The pictures turned out better than I thought and it appears the black slacks look even better than the red suit.   But maybe it is my belief that the pictures are “good enough” and I am being kind to myself.

Starting today, think of your mistakes as growing experiences. We all make countless mistakes. Our mistakes can create a miserable or ok day. Next time, ask yourself if you are being critical or compassionate towards yourself.

Everyday I tuck the wise Dali Lama’s words in my heart,   “If you want to make others happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”  You have one life to live, just imagine if it was one you loved! Better get that compassionate inner voice working ASAP!