30 Second Self-Compassion Tip to Calm Your Crazy

You can change from negativity to positivity using your hands
You can change from negativity to positivity using your hands

What a wild ride! Picture this…eyeballs deep in emails after I discovered my emails weren’t being sent the last four days (3rd time in 7 weeks).  After four hours of resending hundreds of emails, I decided to “procrastinate” and get the mail. Little did I know that there was a small patch of ice on my otherwise dry driveway! My tailbone hit the ground and my cranium bounced off the pavement like a basketball. I thought this couldn’t be happening to me. My little “procrastination break” has now lasted several weeks as I have suffered a concussion on November 20, 2014.

Rather than shopping, baking and going to parties, my holidays are consisting of quiet, low-light rooms and three to five occupational therapy, physical therapy and acupuncture appointments each week. I am, however, providing non-stop entertainment for Gary. Highly entertaining was “the funeral.”  I drove to another town for my friend’s husband’s funeral last Saturday. I signed the guest book. I peered way to the front of the church and the guy in the white pearly casket looked a lot older than I remembered Brian being. I started to look around and everyone seemed a lot older than me. I asked the honor guard “Is this Brian’s funeral?” Nope, I was at Loren’s funeral. Loren who? I looked around, had a hot flash, and quietly ran out of there. What is most amusing is that I signed my whole name (so RD-like including the zip code)! The funeral was the day before.

How is “love to be busy over-accomplishing Chere” handling this?  Not. Well. After a few melt downs of uncontrollable sobbing the first few days after my fall and Gary holding me gently, I have discovered my inner critic. My “standard setter” wants to create another perfect holiday with decorations of the past, buying the perfect gift for everyone on my list, and who can’t forget the short and sweet Christmas letter with the perfect picture (that we all agonize over every year). When I am creating the best holiday for my family and friends I am a picture of positivity. I am happy, having fun and rejoicing that all is “A-OK” this holiday season. When I feel frustrated and negative I am sad, irritated and inpatient with myself. 

The driving force of life is love not fear

I have learned through classes with my friend and colleague Margaret Moore, CEO of Wellcoaches that I can befriend my inner critic.  She shares the research of self -compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff. Self-compassion beats self-criticism. The driving force of life is love not fear. I am being fearful of not being able to create a memorable holiday.  If I just loved myself for what I am capable of right now in this moment I could feel confident and secure.

There are two ways of being – compassionate or judgmental

When you judge yourself, you are not good enough. Often when you judge yourself so harshly you are also great at judging others! Think about it. We pretty much either dole out compassion or judgment to everyone and every situation every day. When we are hurt or frustrated it is very difficult to understand where the other person is coming from. Often we are struggling with their same struggle. What do we need? A dose of compassion.

Use your hands to change your brain state from judgment to compassion

Squeeze your fingernails into your palm. This creates the physical manifestation of the bite of your negative inner critic.

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With your palms up open your hands. And accept your current state. “I accept every cell of my being right now.”

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Cross your hands over your heart and feel self-compassion instead of suffering and judgment.

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My “stopped life” and compassion is unlocking a special richness to the holidays this year. I would have never gone from 125 miles an hour to 5 miles an hour this time of year without being slapped on the head and being forced to stop. Compassion can bring you peace today and hope for tomorrow. (tweet this) This can really be life changing!

Happy holidays from my heart to yours.  Love Chere, your always compassionate coach and friend

We would love to hear your thoughts on our blog.

6 thoughts on “30 Second Self-Compassion Tip to Calm Your Crazy”

  1. Hello to my dear friend from high school (since 1971 = 43 years!!),
    Gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your most unfortunate injury and wish you a full recovery. I was wondering where my Bork family holiday photo was this year, and now I know. One second you’re upright, and the next second you’re crashing on the concrete – yikes! Get better soon my friend!
    I also want to share that your self-compassion tip rang true for me this year. I gave myself a dose of self-compassion last week after having our two daughters and sons-in-law (and their collective three huge furball dogs) at our home for the weekend to celebrate an early Christmas this year. I decorated somewhat, but just couldn’t find time to get the tree up and fully blinged-out before everyone arrived. My gift to myself this year is to know we still had a great holiday celebration, enjoyed our traditional Christmas village and old and new decorations – just not a tree. And you know what else? It’s not going up this year! I’m happy, Jerry’s happy, and we’re enjoying what we have been able to do. Blessings to you and your family! Love, Debbie J

    1. wow you counted the years – 43..guess we are sorta old!
      It is through our busy that we find purpose and the time to savor..so interesting
      Loved your letter. First time since 1978 – no letter. Too much for my brain. Today is four weeks and I am a little sad that I am still having major symptoms with headaches and extremely tired. I cannot be with any noise or light..that means no parties or people. What a lesson I am learning. Danielle and Dave left for Buenos Aires yesterday and come back Jan 3rd (Dani) and Jan 17th Dave. They are hiking Pantagonia in Chilie and Argentina. Brett start a new job on dec 8th and has ONE day off..Christmas day so will travel from Chicago to Green Bay Xmas Eve and then to MKW on Xmas day and back to Chicago. He does have a week vaca in Florida with his sweet girlfriend and her family. So the entire Christmas is odd this year. Thanks for writing. I am really giving myself compassion..something I never did.it was like JUST do more Chere..come up get and go. But I too tired to cheer myself on lately! I even took a bath last night! whoo hooo
      Happy everything dear wonderful friend, Love Chere

  2. Hi Chere!
    You were my examiner for Wellcoaches over the summer, you MAY remember. (I am an RD as well). You made such kind remarks and great suggestions. It was a great boost for me to get my certification. I love your website and blog, great job!
    Maybe you can look at your current circumstances as a “being” versus “doing” practice experience. What is the silver lining here for you?
    I am sending you a whole ton of compassion and a big hug, I promise I won’t squeeze too hard!

    1. Hi Eileen..it was sweet of you to take the time to write. I am getting to be ‘OK’ with not finish my work! LIKE that is NOT me!!! thanks for the hug. You can send me one next month too.
      Today is week four and I never ever thought I would still have a headache! Learning a lot! wishing you a great holiday! Love RD Wellcoaches! love Chere

  3. Hi Chere,

    WOW, I am sorry to hear about your injury. My compassion abounds, as I too did the same thing last summer, only on slippery wet concrete. It does take a while to bounce back!! But then we really do not want to be bouncing (on the ground, that is) anymore at our stage in life! Despite the physical and mental pain, you still have taken the time to share and remind us of the importance of life, especially our own, and taking it a day at a time with out judgment of others as well as ourselves! Life is just too short not to be happy and make the most of each day with those we love!
    Just last week I was looking at the picture we took at the Sunmaid Raisin store when you were here in Tulare County, CA!! What a great day that was for me.
    I wish you the very best for the ho lidays and the coming year!

    Love, Peggy

    1. Peggy thanks for writing as I think of you all the heck time. I smile when I think of the workshop we provided. I think of you constantly when I read about water shortages. Today is week four and am actually shocked that I still have headaches and really do not love reading the computer screen. It gives me a headache almost instantly. I would love to see you again and have created a perfect talk for WIC support staff that I would love to share with you! Developed it for Wisconsin WIC this fall. I can send you the details. I am so happy you wrote and you will be my poster child for hope! How many weeks did it take for you to get rid of the headaches?

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