March 3rd, 2014 · Stress
You declared this to be your happiest and most successful year ever. In January, we focus on goals and doing label ourselves successful – the visible part of our life. But the stuff that keeps us awake at night is the invisible stuff. It’s often our stressful interactions with our relationships in our work and home life. This stuff seems like little stuff but it gnaws away at us. To avoid feeling guilty we try to please others. We don’t want to disappoint at the expense of our own happiness.
Boundaries to the rescue! As a coach for 14 years I have observed weak boundaries that are at the root of 80% of problems. Understanding them can help you create happy balances with all the people in your life. Boundaries are like an energy field that protects your body, mind and spirit. They are what you have determined that other people cannot do to you.
Physical boundaries are used to regulate the distance between us. You can’t go through my purse without my permission. You need to clean up your lunch mess in the office break room.
Emotional boundaries are less tangible but no less real and probably more important than physical. It is the emotional space you create between yourself and others. Often I see a need to please or seek approval from colleagues or boss as the reason to work many hours without compensation. You will burn out but worse than that your colleagues and your boss will start to accept your extra work as the norm and will be disappointed if you try to take back some time.
Here are the 5 top ways people invade your boundaries. Boundary invaders are usually unaware of what they are doing.
- Requests for your help that ignore refusals, or that, once acquiesced to, go on to require far more time or effort than originally agreed to.
- Using your belongings or personal property as a matter of course without getting your approval first or borrowing them and not returning them on time or returning them damaged.
- Holding you hostage by continuing a conversation without regard for the fact that you have said you must leave or are busy, or are clearly trying to put an end to your conversation.
- Offering your help, or making promises on your behalf, to someone else without first consulting you.
- Keeping you waiting, not keeping appointments, not respecting your time.
What to do?
First, decide what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in other people. Second, know what you will do if someone crosses your boundary. A great coaching tip I share with all my clients is gently and non-emotionally saying, “this won’t work for me” and then stop speaking. Wait for their response on what will work for them. Or say, “I have a personal need for ______. What can you do to help me get it?” Third, do it regardless of the consequences. Usually it requires that you say something, do something or leave. Setting boundaries is not a way to vent anger. It is a process and it will not happen overnight! Practice and practice some more.
What are the benefits? You will attract people who have similar respect for themselves. You will feel more confident and in charge or your life again. Think of the most successful people you know. They have clear boundaries. Bet they appear happy too. Remember successful people are not always happy, but happy people are successful. You have one life to live, just imagine it was one you loved! Better get busy!
Originally posted on Chanhassen Villager
By Serge Bertasius Photography
Tags:business·Chere Bork·creating boundaries in life·dietitian·dietitian coach
- Stop the busy.
- Take the words don’t, no and not out of your vocabulary.
- Start each day focused on 5 minutes of abundance.
- End each day spend 10 minutes focusing on what you want.
- Start an abundance Journal.
/// image by ambro ///
Tags:Chere Bork·dietitian coach·success
February 17th, 2014 · Positivity
Want to feel like Connie? Is this your year? The first step is to know that you can have anything you are willing to allow yourself to have. Maybe you wanted a new position at work, a relationship or a new house. And, you thought to yourself, “I want this but I really can’t have it.” Your belief became your reality and of course you didn’t get it. You get what you expect. You get what you think you think you deserve. You get to decide if you want to make the shift of thinking from “I can’t have it” to “of course I will get it.” The power is in your decision to decide. The more you are willing to allow yourself to allow yourself to have, the more you will have. Simple as that.
Law of attraction only has three steps.
First, Identify what you want. Connie wanted to become an entrepreneur and sell her quilts and do wellness coaching. If you think your whole life needs a makeover think of the area that has the lowest vibration (vibe is a mood or feeling) as that area is probably contaminating the rest of your life. You are spending massive amounts of energy on this negativity. So clean it up fast.
Second, give your desire attention. Everyone has a bubble around them which is called a vibrational bubble. The list of what you want is in your bubble. Your thoughts, both positive and negative are in your bubble. Give your desire attention for example telling ten people your dream, saying a daily mantra or having a vision board.
Third, allow it to happen. The speed of manifesting your desires is determined by your allowing. Dump the doubt as it stops desire.
The way to predict your future just like Connie is to create it. Starting today. Your thoughts become your actions which become your results. How do you change your thoughts read the 5 tips to attract what you want at the beginning of this newsletter. Call me if you need help! Better get busy attracting what you want. You have one life to live just imagine if it was one you loved. It’s already February!! Is this the year for a new you or what?
Tags:Chere Bork·law of attraction
Connie, a coaching client writes, “Well Chere – I actually did it – I turned in my resignation today and have only 10 more days at work. And I feel amazingly calm and happy. I am living the law of attraction. And you know what – providence has already moved - I already have a client wanting more motivation and accountability to start eating better and exercising more. My biggest worry has been where I will find people to practice coaching with and voila – providence has already provided me with a start.”
Bogart is definitely enjoying more quality time with his mom while she works
“I have learned that it is more comfortable to stay with something that is certain and familiar, even if you hate it, than to take the leap into the unknown toward something you love. There is tons of uncertainty, but you’ll never know until you try. I thought deeply about all the scary risks I’ve taken in my life – learning to swim (the scariest), jumping out of airplanes, moving to Iowa when I didn’t know a soul, etc. and it has always worked out. Really, I should be scared because I will have no income for awhile and yet the thought of the things I will be doing with my life come January absolutely make my heart sing. You know you started this whole thing!! I am forever grateful for our coaching days. Feeling happy.”
I’m definitely enjoying being able to look at and walk in my garden when I take breaks – all part of the seamlessness I am enjoying so very much.
“I’ve often heard you say that if you want more clients to clear your desk or rearrange it. I would say if you want to change your life, hire Chere as your coach and paint the inside of your house! They both worked miracles for me!
Do you want to feel like Connie? Learn how the Law of Attraction has only three steps
Tags:Chere Bork·dietitian business coach·law of attraction
You were too busy going to work and dropping off kids at school that you forgot it was Valentine’s day? Cook up this 4 ingredient “foodie love” for your favorite valentine in no time!
But, maybe you love chocolate but feel guilty eating it?? Dump your guilt and faster than you can spell supercalifragilisticespialidocious you will have a healthy little sweet treat with your pantry staples. This recipe is from Michele owner of the Jaide Salon in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Michele enjoys this sweet treat because it has no preservatives like soy lecithin that many processed foods contain. By the way supercalifragilisticespialidocious means extraordinarily good and wonderful! The best part? Your taste buds will find out!
only 4 ingredients to chocolate bliss
Stir all the ingredients together until the coconut oil is melted.
If you don’t have parchment paper use tin foil to line your pie plate.
Ta da Michele’s Chocolate BarkIf you desire a thinner bark use the baking mat
If you desire thicker bark use the pie plate. I loved the addition of toasted almonds.
- 4 tablespoons cocoa powder – I enjoy the dark but use whatever you have on hand
- 4 tablespoons virgin coconut oil
- 2 tablespoons honey, Michele uses raw honey or you could use stevia, or Truvia or xylitol
- A sprinkle of sea salt
In a small sauté pan combine the cocoa powder and coconut oil. Melt on low heat, stirring constantly. Add honey and stir for another minute until combined. Remove from heat. Let cool for a minute. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or a baking mat. Pour mixture onto lined baking sheet. Or if you want thicker chocolate bark line a pie plate with parchment paper. Sprinkle sea salt over the bark. Place in freezer for 30 minutes or until hard. Store in the fridge otherwise the chocolate bark will melt. Tell me what you think!
Variation: You can add a handful of chopped toasted almonds or dried cherries or both. I added ½ cup almonds and roasted them for ten minutes at 350°F and then finely chopped and omitted the sea salt.
Break into pieces and savor!
Tags:5 ingredient recipes·Chere Bork·dietitian·easy chocolate bark
What is love defined by 4 to 8 year olds
- “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired” Terri age 4
- “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine age 5
- “Love is when my Mommy makes Daddy his coffee and takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok.” Danny age 7
- “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.” Noelle age 7
The winner of a contest that author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia had to judge as the most caring child was a four year old whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentlemen who recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old man’s yard and climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his mom asked what he had said to the neighbor the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”
How are you giving your love today?
Tags:Chere Bork·kid love advice·valentine's day
January 29th, 2014 · Nutrition
I LOVE oatmeal! I have fond memories of eating it almost daily in grade school. All five of us would wake up to a “Good Morning” from mom and a big pot of oatmeal on the stove. To our delight we topped it off with in gobs of real butter. (Remember we lived in Wisconsin the dairy state!) If I close my eyes I can still feel those mornings and taste the oatmeal. Thank you mom! Fast forward fifty years later and I still love oatmeal. Here are two great ways you can easily put oatmeal in your life.
My friend Cindy loves having this oatmeal mix on hand.
- 5 cups instant oats
- 3 Tbsp brown sugar
- 3 tsp. cinnamon
- ½ tsp nutmeg
- 1/3 tsp salt
- ½ package of dried blueberries (Cindy uses blueberry flavored Craisins)
- 5 Tbsp. ground flax seed
- ½ cup pecans, chopped
Mix together and store in airtight container.
To Cook: Add one part oatmeal to two parts milk/ water or to desired consistency. Microwave for one minute, and thirty seconds.
For multiple people: Measure into a crockpot the evening before. Set to low all night!
Here is Cindy with Brody her nine year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. She says Brody is her soul mate with fur and four legs. Cindy cooks him steamed salmon, broccoli, carrots, green beans and sweet potatoes. He gobbles this up along with his kibble in the morning. In the evening she gives him a tablespoon of plain yogurt in his kibble. How lucky is Brody!
This picture shows Brody winning first prize in agility in a competition in Fargo, North Dakota.
McDonalds Fruit and Maple Oatmeal
On the days I am out and about and want to eat healthy I head to one place…to McDonalds for their Fruit and Maple Oatmeal with a cup of decafe coffee.
It provides two full servings of 100% natural whole grain oats, and is loaded with red and green apples, dried cranberries and two varieties of raisins. And, you can have it just like you want it with or without brown sugar. I would recommend adding a cup of 1% low fat milk. My take as a Registered Dietitian, the 390 calories (oatmeal with brown sugar and 1% milk), are reasonable for breakfast and you get protein, vitamin C, calcium, fiber, Vitamin A and iron too. The fruit makes this meal absolutely eye-appealing and delicious! McDonald’s is working hard at offering a variety of food and beverage choices to meet all of their customers needs. Check out the nutrition. Meet you at McDonalds for a breakfast coaching session!
Tags:Chere Bork·how to make mcdonalds oatmeal at home·mcdonalds oatmeal·nutrition
January 15th, 2014 · Nutrition
Our mom made meatloaf often growing up. It is a regular at our house too and always gets rave reviews. This meatloaf is fancied up with the addition of fresh basil that lends an Italian flavor and will have your family wanting more just like ours.
Only 5 ingredients to comfort food
- 1 pound ground beef
- ½ cup oatmeal
- 1 egg
- ¼ cup chopped fresh basil
- 1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
- ½ tsp. salt
- ¼ tsp. pepper
Put all ingredients in mixing bowl … so pretty you can already eat with your eyes
Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine all ingredients in medium bowl, mixing just to blend. Shape into loaf and place in lightly oiled baking pan. Bake 45 minutes or until thermometer inserted in meatloaf registers to 165°F. Serve with mashed potatoes and your favorite vegetable. Garnish with ketchup if you like. And the next day make meatloaf sandwiches with even more ketchup.
Makes six servings.
Serve with potatoes, fruit and veggie and warm conversation
Tags:5 ingredient recipes·Chere Bork·meatloaf
In January we try to reinvent ourselves and make big, bold resolutions. But, we mess up and start all over again, again and again. This year try something that works…focus on being instead of doing! Let me explain. My coaching philosophy with clients has been to work on the “who” to get “what they want.” Focus on who you want to be and you will get the results you want. So this year instead of focusing on a big resolution list of actions, focus on your attitude, your positivity and what makes you happy.
Sharon is an entrepreneur, author and owner of a successful diabetes wellness business. Her years of hard work were at the expense of her having a life. This year she is choosing a new approach as she dumps her traditional big to do list and instead focuses on who she wants to be. She wants to be more relaxed, more organized and more spontaneous. Her relaxed looks like doing fewer things that annoy her like everyday tasks. She feels if she organizes herself with her everyday tasks she will be more relaxed. She has complained for years of being too busy when her friends call. She wants to be able to enjoy friends when they call her.
So, how do you start?
But life is usually like this:
- DO – Do all the “things” like school, degree, “the job”
- To HAVE – The big house, a car, and a vacation and iPad
- Then … You think… You can BE - Happy!!! But are you?
- BE: I need to BE the BEST I can BE
- DO: To DO what I need to DO
- HAVE: To HAVE what I need to HAVE
- First, identify who you want to be. My being words this year are abundant grace.
- Second identify what you need to do. I need to make a difference by OR I value being a mom by doing.
- Third identify what you want to have. I want to have a happy healthy family OR I want to earn six figures and still sit down to dinner with my family OR I want to HAVE resilience and make each day my best no matter what
Maybe for years you have been waiting for that perfect relationship or a happier marriage or better job. Think different this year. Who would that person need to be to attract what you want? You do not need anyone or anything to tell you how to become who you want to be. You know deep in your heart. Trust that person. And, remember it is never too late to become that person.
This year put 80% of your life efforts on being and 20% on doing and I promise you will reach your goals with ease and grace. Because when you are BEING all that you intend, you will DO as you intend. The best part – you will love your life again. I don’t care what it takes, just do it today. You have one life to live, just imagine if it was one you loved!
Tags:business coach·Chere Bork·life coach·nedpg·resolutions
1. What would you like to achieve in your lifetime? Is 2014 the year?
2. What do you want right now?
3. When will you give yourself permission to obtain it?
4. What motivates you? (ie. money, people and relationships, family, spirituality, being in nature? recognition, ego etc.)
5. If time and money were not obstacles, what would you have achieved by now?
How can I help you achieve your goals and dreams?
image by nuchylee
Tags:chere bork. business coach·goal setting·law of attraction